Pussies? Moving on.

So, internet dating sucks.  However, I am still in.  After spectator dating at Mack’s I realized that my gut instinct is usually right.  No matter how much we have in common, or how well we get along, if I don’t at least get turned on after the first date, then I probably never will with that person.  I’m not talking about sex on the first date.  I’m just talking about getting turned on, on the first date.  I’ve started saying, ‘don’t lead with the vagina,’ lately because I always tend to go right to sex, and not worry about if it’s ‘forever.’  But now that I am looking for my emotional soul mate I figured I should not lead with sex…the thing I am realizing is that although I should not lead behaviorally with sex, I should still lead emotionally with sex.  The two questions I find myself asking on the first date now are:  1.  Do we have fun together?  2.  Can I imagine passionately kissing you?  The rest you can’t figure out (like trust) until you start hanging out regularly and often.  I love to meet great people, but I’m not dating to make friends.  The problem is I don’t find too many down to earth guys who are assertive, confident, open minded, and willing to challenge me back when I get, well, challenging.  There are a lot of things that do and don’t turn me on, but those are some qualities I really want in a guy.  Be assertive; don’t wait for me to make all the moves.  Be confident, take chances…don’t ask if you can kiss me.  If you really are not sure, then don’t do it – believe me if I do or don’t want to I am sending clear signals, whether you notice or not.    

I blame the moms and dads.  Now, I know there are great guys out there.  I have met many, and my friends are married (or in relationships with) some of them.  However, there are a lot of guys out there who are super awesome – but not assertive, confident, down-to-earth, fun, and don’t back down when confronted.  For the sake of simplicity we will refer to them as pussies.  Recently I told a very nice guy that I just want to be friends…and unfortunately it’s because he was a pussy.  I am such an aggressive and assertive person in the rest of my life that I just want a strong man who can tell me when to calm down, and when it comes to dating, take the reins.  He would ask me 4 times if the restaurant (that I picked) was ok.  Then he asked me what type of flowers I like (so I guess he was going to get me flowers), and when I said I like all flowers, he kept asking which ones were ok.  Finally I said roses, and he let out the biggest sigh of relief (is it that tough of a choice?), then he asked what color I like, and I said I like them because they come in so many beautiful colors…so, he asked me if white was OK.  Isn’t the point of flowers, above all, to be a surprise?  All I could think is that I am the man in this relationship, and will I have to approve each thrust technique in bed too???  That makes my vagina sad.  At 30 I expect my partner to know what to do. I know it will take time to be in sync with someone, and get to know each other’s bodies and minds, but I don’t want to be a teacher.  (Anyone with me?????)  

Anyway…I just had to vent about the lame (but very nice) men I’ve met while internet dating.  The only confident, assertive, interesting, laid back, great in bed guy I met disappeared to Ireland…allegedly.  And I only slept with him because I thought we were entering a serious relationship (I know, very different for me to wait for a connection before coitus).  So onto the next. 

There is one guy in Conn who is a maybe…from online.   And an awesome guy in Brooklyn who my cousin introduced to me that I hope to get to know after the holidays.  Until then, happy holidays!!  Peace, love, and intimate satisfaction.